Bullies

Not Just a Childhood Phase

January 18, 2010

Think “bully� and likely the term will conjure visions of the schoolyard tough guy (male or female) with an entourage of followers. The school bully picked on kids that might have been smaller, more intellectual than athletic, or in some way different than the bully. The pain inflicted somehow made bullies feel superior.

Do you believe that bully grew up and changed? Perhaps matured out of the behavior and found something better to do with his energy? Often, they just grew older and went to work or out into the community looking for positions of power.

An adult bully’s behavior is not very different than on the schoolyard. They seek to humiliate, socially isolate, manipulate, demean and undermine their targets. Unlike an emotionally healthy individual who sees someone in pain and has an unpleasant response, a bully will find pleasure.

There are many articles written on the topic of workplace bullies. The Harvard Business School has published findings stating that workplace bullying has a direct impact on the company bottom-line. Those affected, the “targets� of the bully, begin to demonstrate symptoms of depression, self-isolation, poorer self-confidence and diminished productivity. As the target is made to believe she is ineffective in her work, absence increases.

Articles on the topic discuss a behavior called “charming up and bullying down.� In effect, the bully presents a very different face and behavior to his superiors while creating a hostile environment for subordinates. As a result, it is difficult for the bully’s boss to see what is really going on when a target’s work is reported as less than satisfactory. The boss who bullies takes credit for the positive efforts of the target and only shines a light on the target’s work when there is a dilemma. Subtle undermining and even sabotage can cause the actual problem—which is bullying—to be less recognizable to an employer or the human resources department.

In the United States, not a single state has law to sanction bullies in the workplace. An organization has been formed to work on both the legislative need for sanctions and to assist targets, the Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI). “The WBI is the sole United States organization dedicated to the eradication of workplace bullying combining public education, help for individuals, employer solutions and legislative advocacy,� according to workplacebullying.org.

Founded in the late 1990s by Drs. Gary and Ruth Namie, the WBI provides information to aid the general public and legislative bodies in overcoming some of the barriers to recognition—and therefore reduction—in this insidious conduct.

The WBI defines bullying as repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators that takes one or more of the following forms:

• Verbal abuse.
• Offensive conduct/behaviors (including nonverbal) which are threatening, humiliating or intimidating.
• Work interference—sabotage—which prevents work from getting done.

What makes these bullying tactics more toxic is that targets blame themselves after the barrage of attacks.

What makes a person a target? Attacks may be delivered publicly or by the bully’s entourage. The frequently subtle nature of the bully’s methods causes others to fall in line with the target’s downfall and social isolation by placing the blame on the target. The astute observer can pick out these behaviors and see the targeting for what it is; in fact, the bully is conspiring to control and disenfranchise someone whose skills or intellect pose a threat to the bully’s powerbase.

Marilyn, who has worked in the social services field for more than 20 years, is a Licensed Master Social Worker. She has taught in colleges and universities and has served as a member on numerous boards, including The Texas Cancer Pain Initiative, Bexar County School Age Parenting Advisory Council and the City of San Antonio Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial Commission Scholarship Committee. Marilyn and her husband Mike are frequent visitors to northern New Mexico.

Bullying is an HR Issue: A Dozen Tips for Bullied Employees

The tips below are quoted directly from Robert Mueller, J.D., an expert on labor-management law and the author of Bullying Bosses: A Survivor’s Guide.

If an HR professional suspects an employee is being targeted by a workplace bully, here are 12 proven strategies to impart:

1) It’s up to you—first. HR professionals can’t be present in the employee’s work area, monitoring conduct like “cops,� nor can they “save� the employee as if they were occupational “lifeguards.� Employees suffering mistreatment need to understand that management can only help them to the extent they help themselves. Targets of bullies may be abused and reasonably withdrawn, but they are not helpless.

2) Don’t take it personally. Believe it or not, bullying is not about you—your performance, your competence, your work style. For the bully, it’s about political power. No matter what the bully might say, it’s not about you. It’s about a superior who exploits institutional power to torment an individual.

3) Treat the bully problem like any other work problem—professionally. Take objective notes. Collect a history that can be used to document a pattern of abuse. From the data, identify outcomes to strive for and action plans leading to them. When things get tough, you’ll find protection by focusing yourself, HR, and others, including the bully, on operational goals.

4) Be the most knowledgeable employee possible. To maximize your defensibility and value, become the one most expert on the employer’s personnel and operational rules, procedures, and policies. It’s surprisingly easy to scan all the relevant materials. Information is power. Be prepared to reference specific section numbers and headings for each bullying incident and other deviations from the employer’s interest as well. Collect copies of all relevant, nonconfidential documents bullies can get access to, particularly including emails and reports of various kinds.

5) Trade anguish for objectivity. Becoming objective is probably the only effective way for an employee to get relief from torment both during and after a bullying campaign. There are simple tools that make objectification a rather easy thing to do.

6) On note cards, jot down just the succinct details of each policy deviation—whether bullying occurred or not. On a separate note card or incident report form for each event, jot down just the time, place, people, and salient quotes and/or distinct behaviors of concern. (For an incident report template, see bullyingbosses.com/incident.php.) When the cards are presented coherently, others shift their view from the supposedly neurotic employee, to the note cards, to the bully.

7) Look beyond immediate incidents for patterned behaviors over time. A “bad day� on anyone’s part does not constitute bullying. A pattern and practice of intimidation over time does. Bullies are not creative people. They create patterns of misusing employer resources—including its human ones. To discover the patterns, document each event evenly, simply, and regularly. This makes otherwise obscure patterns evident to HR and others.

8) Share the patterns and their details with family and, when ready, management. It is not helpful to go to HR and recount the horror story of the day. When you are ready to seek help, present well-organized information that illustrates a pattern and practice of maltreatment.

9) Create and nurture allies. Bullies normally target only one employee at a time. A bully’s first goal is to isolate his/her target from coworkers to deny the target support from the team. Be mindful that bullied employees can almost never successfully “sell� their ugly bullying problem to others. It’s unlikely anyone will buy it. They already have problems of their own. The best way to gain support and increase credibility with coworkers is not by complaining, but by listening to their concerns, then being helpful in ways that matter to them—beyond the requirements of your job. You might ask your pastor or union for a recommendation to a specialist attorney a coworker needs.

10) Don’t cower and don’t escalate. It is not possible to retreat in a workplace. Avoid using sick leave or otherwise withdrawing from processes. The bully will not see this as sensible avoidance, but as cowering that he or she can exploit. Also, there is no point in arguing with a bully. Bullies can’t believe anybody apart from themselves anyway. An argument can too easily turn into a confrontation. The best approach is to stand tall and strong but in a very obviously relaxed way.

11) “Touch the market� for strength in the freedom to leave. Look for specific employment opportunities, but not necessarily to take another job. The freedom to leave your job—even if you have no intention of doing so—fosters strength and good humor in a negative environment.

12) Arrange vacations for serious contemplation. Use your vacation time not only to unwind but also to contemplate the larger scheme of things. Come back sharp, strong, focused, and organized for your well-planned, strategic self-defense campaign.